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May 16, 2006
 Poseidon—It’s Not Your Ordinary “Love Boat” Kind of Cruise
 by The Blonde and The Maven

It is New Year’s Eve on a cruise ship somewhere on the North Atlantic Ocean. In the main ballroom, everyone is dressed to the nines. In the control room, the officer in charge notices a difference in the way the ship feels in the water. He looks off to the side and sees a rogue wave in the distance. The wall of water is at least 150 feet high. He tries to turn the ship into the wave, but there is no time. In the ballroom, the alarms go off and everything starts to turn upside down. No, its not a rerun of Irwin Allens 1972 disaster film, The Poseidon Adventure. Wolfgang Peterson, (Troy, Air Force One and Das Boot) has produced and directed a retelling of the movie called Poseidon.

This Poseidon cruise ship is the first of its kind. It is 20 stories tall with 800 staterooms and 13 passenger decks. By the way, there is no Poseidon. She is CGI created. Aww, shucks! Screenwriters Mark Protosevitch (The Cell) and Akiva Goldstein (Mr. and Mrs. Smith and A Beautiful Mind) rewrote the characters, but kept the story very basic. The focus is on surviving a disaster, not everyones back story. A group of passengers find out the answer to the question, "What would you do if the ship you were traveling on turned upside down?" Would you be a courageous leader or a follower? Would you panic? Would you give up or keep going?

Robert Ramsey, played by Kurt Russell (Miracle and Escape From New York) is an ex-firefighter and Mayor of New York. He is traveling with his daughter Jennifer, played by Emmy Rossum (Phantom of the Opera and Mystic River) and her boyfriend. Also on the ship is gambler Dylan Johns, who is portrayed by Josh Lucas (Glory Road and Sweet Home Alabama) and Richard Nelson, played by Richard Dreyfuss (Goodbye Girl and Always), who is a gay suicidal architect. Rounding out the stars are Jacinda Barrett (Ladder 49 and The Human Stain) playing Maggie James and her young son Connor, played by Jimmy Bennett (Daddy Day Care and Firewall). Of course there is always a fool. He is Lucky Larry, played by Kevin Dillon (Platoon and Immediate Family). Heightening the sense of panic (as if the ship upside down is not enough), is their confinement. They are trapped within a closed environment where there is no escape, no help and very little time.

The Blonde: I would like to begin by stating, if you have a cruise booked for this summer, DON’T catch this flick. However, Poseidon was nothing less than thrilling, not to mention action packed from the get go. It truly is a real, old-fashioned, nail-biting adventure that is exciting every water-filled second. So ladies, don’t get a manicure on the day you go to see this film. Poseidon was like The Poseidon Adventure (the original) meets the Titanic meets The Perfect Storm meets Oceans 11 and 12!
The Maven: OKAY, I JUST HAVE TO INTERRUPT YOU! I know you are a blonde, but Oceans 11 and 12 had nothing to do with water, nor cruise ships, nor any sinking of a ship for that matter!
The Blonde: Oh whatever, I was just seeing of you were paying attention! That said, I found it funny that, in this film, the more famous the actor, the better chance of their character’s surviving, except for… heck, I’d better not give it away! The special effects were brilliant. The wonderful director and editor had their hands full, as well. Although Poseidon is an artistic triumph, I did find it difficult to watch at times. Mav, YOU have a fear of drowning! How did you ever swim through the film?
The Maven: Thanks to David Blaine, I’m getting better at holding my breath. All of your primal fears will be tapped while watching this film. There is fire, drowning, falling, closed in spaces, and basically being helpless.
The Blonde: Sounds like my honeymoon!
The Maven: Remember, these people are tourists like you and me, except for Kurt Russell who’s an ex-firefighter. The child is the scariest of all! Can you imagine your own child in this predicament?
The Blonde: The story of the little boy and his loving mother was exactly the part of the film that made me bite all my nails off. Now I need a new set! Speaking of holding your breath, does Richard Dreyfuss really look, that old now or was that just his character? It was quite startling to see him. He actually looked sickly. I must note that the diamond he was sporting in his ear was fabulous. He didn’t look like he was in good enough shape to be able to make this film. Just watching the film alone, made me nauseous.  Speaking of nauseous, BRITNEY IS PREGNANT! I KNEW IT!
The Maven: No you didn’t, you thought she was fat! Is she stupid or what? You don’t continue breeding if your marriage is shaky. Babies don’t fix relationships.
The Blonde: Yeah, fat, pregnant, what and stupid!
The Maven: What, what?
The Blonde: YOU asked stupid or what, I replied both. Do you really think she is trying to save her marriage or is the baby thing just in vogue today?
The Maven: Man, I do hope YOU won’t be jumping on the baby bandwagon! Oh, and by the way, I thought Richard Dreyfuss looked great. After all, he’s not the kid in the Goodbye Girl anymore!
The Blonde: Getting back to the film, I did find it difficult to understand how two men, who had no knowledge of this ship, were able to navigate their way through it so well. It was a bit hard to swallow. I go on a cruise vacation and after two weeks of cruising, I still can’t find the Lido deck! But, I guess you just have to go with it!
The Maven: Maybe if you had less to drink, you could find your way around better. To help you understand your last difficulty, there were maps everywhere in the ship and they did have that guy from the galley helping them as well. Movies like this don’t work on belief or non-belief. It’s more of a “what if” kind of film.
The Blonde: Well “WHATEVER!” Sidetracking a bit, I just want to note to Ms. Ashley Simpson that it is obvious that she just had a nose job! MEOW… MEOW. Well, at least HER doctor didn’t lip-synch the job (BUT DID GIVE HER A FINE NOSE)! Hey Mav, how are you ever going to survive the end of “Will and Grace”?
The Maven: I got over “Will and Grace” last year.
The Blonde: I’m still not over the loss of “Sex and the City” being off the air. So are you excited that Rosie is going to join “The View”? I do like her, but I wish they cast Kathy Griffin. I think she and Joy would have been hysterical together!
The Maven: Since I don’t watch “The View” much, I really don’t care! Maybe now I will tune in for a while and check it out.
The Blonde: Well, let me know when they start to air it after NOON!
The Maven: This Poseidon has very little story to tell but a lot of action. If you never saw the 1972 flick, you will like this version. If you saw the original, you will compare them. Either way, it’s a good watch. I rate it a B for its breathless underwater scenes and basic edge of your seat excitement.
The Blonde: Other than worrying for two hours about the little boy, I too enjoyed this film, even though I felt claustrophobic during most of it. As long as you’re not traveling on the seas anytime soon, go ahead and check out this film. If you dare to see Poseidon you will be captivated every single second. I too rate it a B just for its special effects alone. For your film snacks, I recommend LOTS AND LOTS of popcorn so you will leave your nails alone. Go ahead and have some Chips Ahoy cookies as well! Don’t forget, “There’s got to be a Morning After!”


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