The Maven and The Blonde Review “Wild
There was no talk show --
morning, afternoon, or late night -- that the stars of this film
avoided in their quest to support the film “Wild Hogs.” All four of
them even appeared on “Oprah” at the same time.
The story is
about a group of middle-aged friends who enjoy their weekends
by riding their motorcycles together as a "gang." They all seem to
hit a mid-life crisis at the same time. Woody Stevens, played by
John Travolta (“Ladder 49,” “Swordfish”) suggests a cross country
trip on their bikes as a way to get back in touch with their younger
selves. Unbeknownst to the others, Woody is getting divorced and has
made some bad investments. He needs this trip to take his mind off
his impending misery. Tim Allen (“The Santa Clause” movies), plays
Doug Madsen, a dentist who suddenly realizes he is mundane.
Bobby Davis, played by Martin Lawrence (“Bad Boys” movies) is a
plumber who is horribly henpecked. Dudley Frank is a shy computer
geek who has yet to score a serious relationship in his life. He is
played by William H. Macy (“Seabiscuit,” “Door to Door”). Of note in
the film is Ray Liotta (“Identity,” “Hannibal”) who plays Jack, the
leader of the Del Fuegos, which is a legitimate biker gang. The
director is Walter Becker (“National Lampoon's Van Wilder”) and the
movie was written by Brad Copeland (“My Name is Earl,”
The Blonde: This film was
silly, trite, ridiculous, totally unbelievable, and I kinda liked
it. Of course I have been depressed all week, so I would have liked
the film “Ulee’s Gold.” “Wild Hogs: was like “City Slickers” meets
“City Slickers 2,” meets all the biker films, meets my ex husband
who is a wanna-be biker. To begin with, John looked better than he
has in YEARS! I smell some serious surgery and working out here.
Really, I don’t mean to be catty… but meow, he has looked thick for
years. He looks more like the beloved Vinnie Barbarino now. Loved
it. His character was sexy because he was vulnerable. Guys need to
know we like a little vulnerable-ness.
VULNERABLE-NESS?? Considering all the hype that went with this film,
I was a little disappointed. Of the four major players, only William
H. Macy seemed to put any effort into his role. In fact, I think he
stole this movie. Most of the gags were funny, but not hilarious.
Although the gay paranoia was amusing, after a while it got old.
There could (should) have been more substance.
The Blonde: I
agree with you Mav. They missed the mark. There were so many golden
opportunities for humor and they just didn’t make it happen.
Speaking of missing the mark, I don’t mind that Britney shaved her
head, but she could have at least left a little ponytail. SOMETHING!
OOPS, I BET SHE WON’T DO THAT AGAIN! MAV, what are you referring to
when you say GAY SUBSTANCE? Mmmmmmmmmm. Can I start on Bush now?
The Maven: YOU DUMB BLONDE, I MEANT SUBSTANCE TO THE FILM!
The Blonde: NEVER MIND THEN! Macy did steal the film, but he
usually does. He is so totally under-rated. Tim Allen always seems
to walk through his films, except for Buzz Lightyear in “Toy Story.”
Ray Liotta was just a BIKER mob guy, NOT JUST his usual MOB GUY… not
a big change for him, either. As for Martin Lawrence, bland as well;
NO GREAT STRETCH. Maybe we can just chalk this off to poor writing.
This film could have been so much better!
The Maven: Marisa
Tomei was wasted in the film. Since I know she can act, I
have to blame the writer for writing such a bland character. Even
Ray Liotta was a little boring. How come he always looks like
he just woke up? Travolta and Lawrence were okay, but Tim Allen was
just not there. On all their promotional tours, the actors seemed to
have more fun together than their characters did on screen. The most
genius scene was when Peter Fonda showed up. Unfortunately, those
younger than us will not get the joke. DO NOT GIVE ME THAT CRAP
ABOUT YOU BEING TOO YOUNG!
The Blonde: YOUNG! You took the
words out of my mouth. Who is Peter Fonda ANYWAY, you old fitch?
MEOWWWW! MOVIN ALONG, I too adore Marisa. Why did she take this
film? She is so fantastic. Work must be scarce. Maybe she just
wanted to do a comedy and she is friends with all the guys in it? I
would have taken it just to work with them myself!
Maven: Okay Blonde! We went to Southwest Miami High School TOGETHER,
and all your denials cannot change that. If you continue to make
believe you are much younger than I am, I will publish your high
school yearbook picture! The eyeliner alone will tell,
The Blonde: WOWWW! That’s it! Readers, I am so
much younger than our beloved Mav! I did go to that high school, but
YEARS AFTER our Mav. AND WHO IS TWIGGY ANYWAY! Can I talk about Bush
The Maven: AHUUU! RIGHT! GO AHEAD… TALK ABOUT BUSH!
The Blonde: NO, NOT IF YOUR GONNA ACT LIKE THAT!
The Maven: Isn't it funny that even though Al Gore said he isn't
running again, the Republicans are still attacking him. They can't
stand the fact that he won an Oscar for his documentary.
Blonde: Now Al, I do know! He so totally deserved the Oscar. Give me
a break. It was so well done, even if one doesn’t believe in the
content. Now, they are putting down his weight and they are even
saying he ate Michael Moore. That was mean, okay funny, but mean.
They are now accusing him of using too much electric as well! Can we
talk about Anna Nicole now?
The Maven: NO, I AM SICK OF
IT!!!! I HATE WHAT THE PRESS IS DOING. I am sick that our guys are
getting blown up in Iraq and all the press is talking about is Anna.
Let her rest. As for Al, let’s look at his electric bill in the past
and let’s compare. GO AHEAD AND TALK ABOUT BUSH!
DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ABOUT THIS WAR!!!! ABOUT BUSH, WELL HE ...
and ... but ... AND THEN…. Ya know, there is so much to talk about
BUSH, I hardly know where to begin. How about we just impeach the
guy and call it a day? Even the Republicans are leaning that way!
The Maven: SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO ARE RUINING THEIR
REPUTATIONS, the Donald needs to wear a muzzle. From the Rosie
conflict to the topic of depression, he needs a better publicist to
get him under control! I feel bad now for every one of his wives!
The Blonde: COME ON MAV, we met him in person. Be kind! His
hair, however, did look so much… WORSE IN PERSON!
Speaking of that meeting, it only makes ME wonder what he said
behind my back!
The Blonde: I WILL NEVER TELL! Even HE knows
that I am so much younger than you! Speaking of current events, why
the heck is the owner of the canned food company Libby going to
jail? I never got sick from any of their vegetables!
Maven: Speaking of vegetables, the Blonde is referring to Scooter. I
don’t have enough time to explain it to her, NOR do I wish to
straighten out her confusion now.
The Blonde: What is wrong
with scooters? They are a great source of fun for children and some
The Maven: I just cannot and WILL NOT deal with this
now! As I said before, this film was a little disappointing. I
laughed a lot, but I expected to laugh even more. Hopefully, the DVD
will have deleted scenes to fulfill my desires. I rate “Wild Hogs” a
less than wild C, for the camaraderie the guys had, not for the wild
humor that did not exist. However, as a fan of everyone in the film,
do not hesitate to catch it on cable or DVD.
The Blonde: If
you have nothing else to do, and I mean nothing else, go ahead and
catch this hog of a film. It does have some sweet and fun moments so
it won’t be a total loss. I rate “Wild Hogs” a C--. For your film
snacks go have a rack of ribs. Better yet, to represent the guys,
enjoy a Four Musketeers bar. Have fun!
The Maven: UMMM…. OK,
THAT WOULD BE A Three MUSKETEERS BAR!! My work here is never done!!
OH, AND SHE IS AS OLD AS I AM!