Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself
Comedy, or Perhaps It Is?
by The Blonde and the Maven
Wilbur Wants to Kills Himself, Wilbur, played by Jamie
Sives, is a depressed Scottish gentleman who is
constantly attempting to achieve suicide. He is saved
time and time again by his loving and devoted brother
Harbour, played by Adrian Rawlins (Harry Potter).
Harbour runs the family bookstore, which sells eccentric
and peculiar type books. Enter Alice—a shy, soft-spoken
young mother, portrayed by Shirley Henderson, (Harry
Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and Bridget Jones’
Diary). Alice frequents the bookshop and timidly engages
into a relationship with Harbour. Despite the
encompassing drama of Wilbur’s suicide attempts, Harbour
and Alice’s hasty marriage is not hindered. Alice’s
daughter Mary (Lisa McKinley) plays an intricate part of
this sweet story and manages to quickly steal the hearts
of both brothers. The core of this film involves love,
affection, innocent betrayal, loyalty and ends in a
unique twist of fate.
The Blonde: This
movie is like Dominick and Eugene meets Crimes of the
Heart meets Betrayal. When Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself
first began, I found myself drifting and hoping he would
get it over with quickly so that I could catch my
aerobics class. That way I could lose the extra ten
pounds around my waist, so I won’t wanna kill myself.
But as the movie progressed, I started falling into the
lives of the very likeable characters and the touching
events they were going through.
The Maven: Don’t
let the title prevent you from seeing this movie. It was
actually a warm, human comedy. It is a pleasure to spend
time in the company of these characters who are quirky,
odd, kind and rather noble.
Aww, how sweet you are. I even noticed you
shedding a few little tears! But Maven, there was that
huge part of betrayal between one of the brothers that
did disturb even me, a little bit…
The Maven: No.
I really don’t agree with that at all. I didn’t feel
there was any real betrayal. I think it was just because
the couple rushed into marriage so quickly. Does that
ring any bells?
The Blonde: Ding- a- ling- a
-ling… Are you referring to my quickie Las Vegas Chapel
of Elvis wedding, by any chance?
The Maven: If
the wedding fits, honey!
The Blonde: Yeah, but
unfortunately that one didn’t fit either. By the way,
what was that comment about air sticking out of her
The Maven: Hair. The word was hair. I can
only imagine the other words that the Scottish accent
might have thrown you on. Man oh man, or should I say,
blonde oh blonde. This picture appeals to the heart with
its delightful cast, while not insulting the mind. I
rate this movie a B+. I might even see it
The Blonde: No. Once was enough for me,
thank you. I got it the first time. If you like a slow
moving foreign film, with a lot of dialogue, you will
enjoy, what’s the name of this movie again?
Maven: You are hopeless! Wilbur Wants to Kill
The Blonde: Oh, right! I told you it
made me drift! As I was trying to say, you will enjoy
this tender movie. I recommend it as a lovely afternoon
outing with a close girlfriend. Leave your man at home
with his dinner and ball game. I give it a C+, and
advise that you munch on some Twizzlers and Milk Duds,
and of course, as always popcorn!
Troy—Movie-Making at its
Three thousand, two hundred years
ago in ancient Greece, marks the beginning of a story,
based on The Iliad, an account of the Trojan War by the
Greek poet Homer. The story comes to life through the
vision of director Wolfgang Petersen.
Throughout time, men have waged war for
power, land, religion, glory and some, for love. Troy is
a movie about history’s most legendary lovers, Prince
Paris, played by Orlando Bloom (Lord of the Rings) and
Helen of Troy, played by Diane Kruger (Wicker Park).
Their love ignites a war that will devastate Greek
civilization, when Paris steals Helen away from her
husband, King Menelaus, portrayed by Brendan Gleeson
(Lake Placid). This insult, along with his brother
Agamennos (Brian Cox, Bourne Identity) greed to rule yet
another empire, starts this bloody war of power.
Achilles, (Brad Pitt, Meet Joe Black and Seven not to
mention Jennifer Aniston’s hubby, and an all-around sex
God in his own right!) was believed to be the greatest
warrior alive. Achilles has no true allegiance to anyone
or anything except his own glory and his role in
The Blonde: This movie was like Romeo
and Juliet meets Gladiator meets Cleopatra. This
beautifully filmed, artistically directed movie, with
its amazing cinematography, authentic set designs and
costumes, thrilled and mesmerized me for close to two
and a half hours. This is movie making at its finest,
folks. It has it all—romance, valor, bloodshed, greed,
jealousy, vengeance, noble characters, honor, integrity,
great acting and of course, the many scenes with Brad
Pitt nearly naked. I ponder, can you ask for anything
more (perhaps less!!)? Before I go any further, can I
tell you how much watching Pitt in this film makes me
loathe and detest Jennifer Aniston…does that sound like
envy? I mean, the girl simply has too much!
Maven: Sounds to me more like jealousy! I, too,
was taken by this film. Most of all, I applaud the
director’s choice to showcase the humanity of all the
The Blonde: By the way, did you know that
this was a true story?
The Maven: Wow, you did
pay attention in high school!
The Blonde: In my
opinion, this movie gave Brad ‘good old fashioned movie
star status,’ as opposed to just being an amazingly
gorgeous actor. I also think Kruger’s amazing beauty can
only be compared to Bo Derick in the movie
The Maven: Beautiful she is, but because of
her one-dimensional character, I am still uncertain as
to her acting ability.
The Blonde: Well,
whatever. I just wish I had a man in my life that would
launch a thousand ships to get me back. I believe he
might just launch them just to keep me there…
Maven: I smell a supporting actor nomination for Peter
O’Toole. He captured the regality of a king, as well as
the love of a father for his sons.
Well, I smell a night of romance with me and Brad
The Maven: In your dreams!
Blonde: Any way I can get it is fine with me. I really
fell in like with all of the characters because they
were so irresistible, except for Menelaus and Agamemnon.
I actually had trouble knowing who to root for. Who was
the home team again?
The Maven: Me too, but I rooted
for the hunky Orlando Bloom because it took courage for
him to play the weak, yet handsome Prince Paris. The
character starts out as a cowardly warrior, but becomes
a hero as a result of his brother’s death.
Blonde: Okay, can we talk now about the hot sex
The Maven: I don’t think our editor will
The Blonde: Well, they were great!
Especially the part when….fd fdafda and dfd asfdafda
The Maven: Oh, and don’t forget when
fda with dafh dall over fdafda da fdsa fda!! I can
go on and on about all the characters because they were
so perfectly cast. This was a stunning story about the
perils of greed, arrogance and war. I found myself so
captivated, I forgot to eat my popcorn. I give this film
The Blonde: Bravo! I went into the
theater expecting greatness. I wasn’t disappointed in
the least. Troy was a brilliant, epic, masterpiece. They
didn’t spare any expense in its production. Run,
and see this movie. I give it an A and you won’t need a
thing to eat, with Brad to look at. Okay, maybe just a
soda. By the way, what does Brad see in Jennifer
Aniston anyway? I mean, take away her perfect body,
perfect hair, great personality, flawless face, tons of
money and fame, she’s got nothing!
Except Brad, his perfect body, his perfect hair, his
great personality, his flawless face, his tons of money
and his fame.
The Blonde: Touché!
Both: Enjoy the
1. Brad Pitt
stars as ‘Achilles’ in Warner Bros. Pictures’ epic
action adventure Troy, also starring Eric Bana and
Photo by Alex
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