The Island—No Real Man is
by The Blonde and
Director Michael Bay (The Rock, Armageddon and
Pearl Harbor) brings us two movies in one with The
Island. The first half of the movie takes place in a
sterile environment where inhabitants are clad in white
and lead aimless lives (so many of us do the same in
reality). Apparently there was worldwide contamination
resulting from an ecological disaster and the only
survivors lived in this safe place. However,
occasionally some new people are found and referred to
as survivors. The only outside place that is
ecologically safe is “The Island.” Space is limited on
“The Island,” so there is a random lottery held where
the winner gets to leave the facility and go to
paradise. In addition, women who are about to deliver a
child are also given the right to go live on “The
Island.” Nobody seems to question life at the facility.
Curiosity doesn't exist.
Things begin to
change when Lincoln Six Echo, played by Ewan McGregor
(Star Wars and Down with Love) starts asking too many
questions. To say the very least, people in high places
begin to take notice! Doctor Merrick, portrayed by Sean
Bean (Troy and National Treasure) is in charge of the
facility and is concerned enough about Lincoln's queries
to examine him. Meanwhile, Lincoln's friend Jordan Two
Delta, starring Scarlett Johansson (In Good Company and
Lost in Translation) has won the lottery. Lincoln has a
recurring nightmare involving Jordan and the lottery. He
goes snooping where he shouldn't and witnesses another
lottery winner Starkweather, played by Michael Clarke
Duncan (The Green Mile and Armageddon) in a surgical
suite, and NOT on “The Island,” where he was said to
have gone. Fearing for Jordan's life, Lincoln rescues
her and they make an escape from the facility.
Now the second half of the movie begins.
Lincoln finds a technician that he befriended in the
facility, McCord, portrayed by Steve Buscemi (Armageddon
and Con Air), who explains to them what they are and why
they are really at the facility (we will NOT give that
information away). A security team is assigned to chase
the runaways led by ex-Special Forces commander Albert
Laurent (Djimon Hounsou from Constantine and Beauty
Shop), whose orders are to bring them back before anyone
finds out WHO or WHAT they really are. (Curious yet)?
Lincoln and Jordan are much harder to stop than
expected! The duo leads the Special Forces team through
an explosive journey of L.A.! Along the way, they learn
much more than they ever bargained for and SO WILL YOU!
Blonde: Okay, The Island was like Coma meets Logan's Run
meets Blade Runner and Holocaust meets a touch of Star
Wars and Face-Off meets The Village! This was such a
cool movie. To begin with, isn't Johansson totally
beautiful? I simply hate her! I heard she had her
tonsils removed in the middle of filming and they had to
stop production and wait for her to recover! Next,
Wean—how could his mother give him a name like that
anyway—is not a bad-looking chap, but even more than De
Niro, he really needs to remove his mole in the center
of his forehead. I couldn't stop staring at it the
entire movie. It is a definite M. R. (must remove)!
Moving right along, I just love it when Steve Buscemi
plays a GOOD GUY! By the way, Mav, did you hear about
the newly wed guy who went missing on his honeymoon
cruise? MMMMMMMMM? OVERBOARD!!
Maven: First of all, his name is Ewan and not WEAN!
Furthermore, YOU and YOUR mole complaints! Not everyone
feels the need to have needles stuck in their skin and
then smell their skin burned off. “You must be ONE with
your mole!” Why haven't you ever complained about MY
Blonde: BECAUSE …I LOVE YOU and I don't have to stare at
you on a big movie screen for two whole hours! BUT…It
wouldn't hurt! WEAN… EWAN, SEAN, BEAN IT'S ALL SO VERY
Maven: This movie has everything you should expect from
a Michael Bay film. There are enough car chases, car
explosions, building explosions, helicopter crashes and
violence to entertain even the simplest of minds.
Luckily, there's more to the movie than that! Both Ewan
McGregor and Scarlett Johansson are able to portray the
right combination of innate smarts and “born yesterday”
naïveté to their characters. Scarlett has never looked
more beautiful and Ewan, well… it was nice to see him
clean-shaven and out of those OBI-Wan-Kenobi robes.
Blonde: What I found most interesting is, just when you
think you have seen every storyline ever written and
become immune to the possibility of unique, different,
new and fresh, here comes The Island! I enjoyed watching
the story unfold. I loved the virtual boxing scene
in the film, blood and all! I have so many people
in my life that I would just love to play that with. I
also loved the scene when Jordan and Lincoln got close
to share a kiss, and a guard comes up and states, “Watch
your proximity!” Don't you just wish we had that power
over our teen girls!
Maven: I agree, but in your case…just give YOUR daughter
a phobia about MOLES and freckles! THAT SHOULD DO THE
TRICK! How come, no matter what film role Steve Buscemi
does, he gets all the funniest lines? He really
jump-started this movie. I wish he had stayed in the
Blonde: I thought the chase scene was one of the best I
have ever seen (in the movies that is)! It was kind of
Star Wars-esque/Matrix! Hey Mav, what would you do if
you had the chance to save your life the way these
people did? I wonder what I would do? Oh, who am I
kidding? I would SO GO FOR IT! I would totally pull MY
insurance policies plug in a New York minute given the
same info they were!
Maven: Speaking of info, what's with these British guys?
Charles, Hugh Grant, and now Jude Law! Why do they all
have to cheat when they have such wonderful woman?
Blonde: I was out of the country in Las Vegas. What did
Maven: He cheated on his fiancée Sienna Miller, with the
nanny of all people!
Blonde: Oh, that would be Robin William's syndrome!
Speaking of sex, it was quite interesting when Lincoln,
as an ADULT, experienced sex for the very first time.
That must be more than amazing!
Maven: Now there is something you could never know about
in ANY LIFETIME!
Blonde: OUCH OUCH OUCH! MAYBE IT COULD
Maven: And maybe YOU COULD BECOME THE QUEEN
Blonde: THAT TOO COULD HAPPEN!
Maven: Wasn't it fun counting the blazingly obvious
product placements? Let's see, there were Microsoft,
Nokia, Cadillac, and Ben and Jerry's plugs. Did I miss
Blonde: Well someone's gotta pay for all those costly
Maven: I enjoyed The Island. Science fiction is always a
favorite of mine. The action was exhilarating to watch
and had me on the edge of my seat.
Blonde: Oh, is that why you were sitting like that? I
thought you needed to go to the ladies room!
Maven: Well… the excitement and diet coke did eventually
take its toll. If you are looking for something edgy and
stimulating, this movie IS IT! While the subject matter
is currently topical, the film doesn't preach it.
However, it does give you something to think about!
WOULD YOU BE TEMPTED TO KEEP AN INSURANCE POLICY? I rate
this film a B for BRAVO!
Blonde: I really had fun here. I was captivated from the
start. I found the story to be exciting, original and
clever, which is a hard combination in the film industry
today. I rate The Island a solid B. For your movie
snacks I suggest a CLONEDIKE candy bar and then maybe
some Double-Mint gum! Have fun!
P.S.: If you haven't yet seen Charlie and the
Chocolate Factory, go see it. It is a delight for both
children and children at heart!
Optic Nerve is Back at MOCA
Evening of Emerging South Florida Filmmakers,
The Museum of Contemporary Art (MOCA) is
pleased to present the seventh installment of Optic
Nerve on Friday, August 5. Optic Nerve is MOCA’s annual
film festival featuring short videos and films by some
of the freshest and most innovative artists in South
Florida selected from an open call for submissions. Two
screenings of the 40-minute program will be held at 7
and 9pm. The public is also invited to meet the
filmmakers during the Starbucks Artist Roundtables at
The twelve films that will be
screened are all under five minutes in length and
incorporate a wide range of narrative and non-narrative
filmmaking techniques. They include: Mr. Wizard:
The Legend of Speed, a stop motion animation art
piece created by the Miami-based artists group Friends
With You, in which “Air” and “Land” meet to perform
sacred rituals to keep the world in perfect harmony;
Kyle Trowbridge’s 1984, a meditation on violence and
grace focusing on the surging crowds of a 1980s punk
rock concert; Ali Prosch’s Not My Mama, a campy
encounter with a manic swamp zombie that explores the
true meaning of “mother nature”; and Carola Dreidemie’s
Untitled, a hand-manipulated film that investigates a
state of desperation and fear using rhythm and
repetition as key elements.
films were chosen by a panel comprised of Sylvia Karman
Cubiña, Director of the Moore Space, Miami; Rhonda
Mitrani, independent filmmaker and Co-Founder of The
Florida Room, Miami; and Barron Sherer, Co-Founder and
Chief Programmer of Cinema Vortex,
Optic Nerve VII is sponsored by
Starbucks Coffee Company. The program is part of MOCA’s
ongoing effort to provide new venues for emerging South
The Museum of
Contemporary Art is located at 770 NE 125th Street,
North Miami. The event is free with museum admission.
MOCA admission is free for MOCA members, North Miami
residents, City of North Miami employees, and children
under 12; $5 adults; $3 for seniors and students with
ID. RSVP required. Seating is limited and not
For reservations or more
information, call 305-893-6211 or visit
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