Your friendly web-spinning guy is back! In this third chapter, from director Sam Raimi's “Spider-Man” saga, we also have Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and James Franco’s return to reprise their roles from the previous two installments. Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, and Bryce Dallas Howard make their first appearances in the series as Flint Marko (a.k.a. Sandman), Eddie Brock (a.k.a. Venom), and Gwen Stacy, respectively. Peter Parker has finally learned to walk the middle ground between being the superhero that his city needs, and the man that Mary Jane (Dunst) loves.

Everything is status quo in New York City, until one night. As Peter and M.J. are gazing at the stars, a falling comet streams across the sky and crashes into the ground. Readers you guessed it, this isn't any ordinary shooting star! Upon impact, this mysterious space rock splits open to reveal a shape-shifting symbiote with the extraordinary power to overtake anything with which it comes into contact. (Sounds like fun to me!) As the story progresses, Harry Osborn acquires his dead father's flying board, then engineers a powerful new Goblin outfit, and takes to the sky to avenge dad's death. The mysterious space goop infects both Peter's Spider-Man suit and ambitious street photographer Eddie Brock (Grace). His strange, new suit brings Peter a newfound sense of power as it gradually overpowers his personality. Moving right along, Peter also discovers that escaped convict Flint Marko was in fact the man responsible for the death of his beloved Uncle Ben (Cliff Robertson). The plot thickens for Peter as Marko acquires the power to morph on command and quickly completes his transformation into the dreaded Sandman. The Sandman gives in to his blackest criminal instincts and the slithering space symbiote transforms Eddie Brock into Venom, the most horrible evil villain.

The poor citizens of New York City must once again call out to Spider-Man. In addition, we have the running theme of Spidey and Mary Jane’s rollercoaster romance. What will they do? What’s more, do we even care?

The Blonde: To start with, the Maven will not be with us today. OOOHHH, too bad, you might be thinking. Well, let me tell you that the two-faced FITCH ran off to London, behind my back to steal Prince William away from me the day he broke off his engagement to that British girl, whatever her name is! Right now, as my poor, tired, depressed fingers bang away at the keyboard, that fitch is most likely sipping tea and enjoying scones with MY PRINCE, William!

That said, talk about movies that should stop at part one…. I actually didn’t hate “Spider-Man 3” as much as I hated “Spider-Man 2.” I mean, I do realize that these films are fun and come from comic books, but this is pushin’ it! One can actually sense the strain and feel the effort required for “Spider-Man” to suit up one more movie time. Due to audience’s high expectations, I feel the writers could have spent more time at the writing board with this film.

Oh, I can just feel the Mav horseback riding with MY William as I type! I am so upset! I want you to know that I struggled to eat the whole bucket of popcorn during this film!

Now speaking of heartache… What’s up with Paris? Will she go to jail, and do we really care? Will Imus win his new lawsuit against the network? Do we really care? Will Britney grow back her hair? Do we really care? Sorry readers, it’s the grief talking!

Will they make “Spider-Man 4” and do we all have to go? But the real question is, will the Maven return to America arm and arm with MY PRINCE WILLIAM?

Stay tuned to next month’s review, which will include answers to these important questions.

I rate “Spider-Man 3” a C-.