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The Blonde and The Maven Review “Spider-Man
3”
Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man in Columbia
Pictures' Spider-Man 3 -
2007 | |
Your friendly web-spinning guy
is back! In this third chapter, from director Sam Raimi's
“Spider-Man” saga, we also have Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, and
James Franco’s return to reprise their roles from the previous two
installments. Thomas Haden Church, Topher Grace, and Bryce Dallas
Howard make their first appearances in the series as Flint Marko
(a.k.a. Sandman), Eddie Brock (a.k.a. Venom), and Gwen Stacy,
respectively. Peter Parker has finally learned to walk the middle
ground between being the superhero that his city needs, and the man
that Mary Jane (Dunst) loves.
Everything is status quo in
New York City, until one night. As Peter and M.J. are gazing at the
stars, a falling comet streams across the sky and crashes into the
ground. Readers you guessed it, this isn't any ordinary shooting
star! Upon impact, this mysterious space rock splits open to reveal
a shape-shifting symbiote with the extraordinary power to overtake
anything with which it comes into contact. (Sounds like fun to me!)
As the story progresses, Harry Osborn acquires his dead father's
flying board, then engineers a powerful new Goblin outfit, and takes
to the sky to avenge dad's death. The mysterious space goop infects
both Peter's Spider-Man suit and ambitious street photographer Eddie
Brock (Grace). His strange, new suit brings Peter a newfound sense
of power as it gradually overpowers his personality. Moving right
along, Peter also discovers that escaped convict Flint Marko was in
fact the man responsible for the death of his beloved Uncle Ben
(Cliff Robertson). The plot thickens for Peter as Marko acquires the
power to morph on command and quickly completes his transformation
into the dreaded Sandman. The Sandman gives in to his blackest
criminal instincts and the slithering space symbiote transforms
Eddie Brock into Venom, the most horrible evil villain.
The
poor citizens of New York City must once again call out to
Spider-Man. In addition, we have the running theme of Spidey and
Mary Jane’s rollercoaster romance. What will they do? What’s more,
do we even care?
The Blonde: To start with, the Maven will
not be with us today. OOOHHH, too bad, you might be thinking. Well,
let me tell you that the two-faced FITCH ran off to London, behind
my back to steal Prince William away from me the day he broke off
his engagement to that British girl, whatever her name is! Right
now, as my poor, tired, depressed fingers bang away at the keyboard,
that fitch is most likely sipping tea and enjoying scones with MY
PRINCE, William!
That said, talk about movies that should
stop at part one…. I actually didn’t hate “Spider-Man 3” as much as
I hated “Spider-Man 2.” I mean, I do realize that these films are
fun and come from comic books, but this is pushin’ it! One can
actually sense the strain and feel the effort required for
“Spider-Man” to suit up one more movie time. Due to audience’s high
expectations, I feel the writers could have spent more time at the
writing board with this film.
Oh, I can just feel the Mav
horseback riding with MY William as I type! I am so upset! I want
you to know that I struggled to eat the whole bucket of popcorn
during this film!
Now speaking of heartache… What’s up with
Paris? Will she go to jail, and do we really care? Will Imus win his
new lawsuit against the network? Do we really care? Will Britney
grow back her hair? Do we really care? Sorry readers, it’s the grief
talking!
Will they make “Spider-Man 4” and do we all have to
go? But the real question is, will the Maven return to America arm
and arm with MY PRINCE WILLIAM?
Stay tuned to next month’s
review, which will include answers to these important questions.
I rate “Spider-Man 3” a
C-.
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