—When Your Ship Comes in, BE
by The Blonde and The Maven
Water is a frightening thriller based on a true story.
Your typical young couple, Susan and Daniel, played by
Blanchard Ryan (My Sister’s Wedding) and Daniel Travis
(“Sex and the City” guest star), set off on a
well-deserved adventure vacation. Both suffer from
workaholic lifestyles and, as a result, their
relationship is a little strained at the time. Instead
of a vacation, the couple gets a nightmare and way more
than they bargained for.
The movie begins with
this couple quite unhappy with their hotel
accommodations, which later becomes the least of their
worries. Susan and Daniel join a group of fellow scuba
divers on a morning dive. Due to a wrong head count,
they are accidentally abandoned in the middle of the
ocean. For the rest of the movie, you are entirely
involved with the characters’ fight and struggle for
life. This entails around 48 hours of all the horrors
you would encounter being in the middle of the ocean
with no protection, food, or gear of any kind other than
your tanks. This story proves just how important a
little head count can be. Won’t tell you any more folks!
Get your own feet wet. P.S., Don’t ever miss the
Blonde: Open Water was like Jaws 1, 2, and 3 without the
da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da, meets Shark Attack, meets
the “Mad About You” TV couple. This zero frills,
low-budget, documentary style movie did have its
moments. Emphasis is on the word “moments.” I found
myself tense, anxious, nervous and bored all at the same
time. Kind of like a first date, (or a last)! It does
make you think, though, about how fragile and precious
life is; how unforgiving life can be to human error.
They tried to shoot this film in a way that would be
realistic, believable, and make the viewer feel a part
of the movie. As for me, I felt seasick just watching
it. But, doing dishes makes me seasick.
Maven: To begin with, when was the last time you did
dishes? Loading the dishwasher doesn’t count! Just when
I thought it was safe to go in the water, Chris Kentis
decides to show me that it’s not. Kentis wrote,
directed, and edited his film. He also shared
cinematography duties with his wife, Laura Lau. They
shot Open Water on digital video, which makes you feel
as if you are seeing the drama for real. There is a
knowing edge to the thrill of anticipation you feel as
the stranded couple realize that they have been
Blonde: What I want to know is why people feel the
need to go scuba diving in the first place? Maybe it’s
just me, but isn’t it safer in the boat?! You’re just
asking for trouble. It’s dangerous, scary, wet, very
wet, and too long a time to be healthy for your hair,
nails, and skin saturating in salt water anyway. Hello!
That’s why Jacques Cousteau did it and made the big
bucks. Why didn’t they just go on a luxurious cruise for
their vacation? Aren’t bingo, buffets, gambling, and
Island shopping adventure enough? Hey Maven, did you see
the teeth on the sharks? The last time I saw teeth that
scary was just before I put braces on my daughter. I
hope she isn’t reading this… (Just kidding,
Maven: Wait a minute! Didn’t you see The Poseidon
Adventure, Deep-Rising, or hello Blonde, Titanic? And
that’s just to name a few…
Maven: Thanks to Steven Spielberg, we know what a shark
can do. We know that most sharks swim past a human in
the water. We know that sharks go into a total frenzy
around blood. We also know that’s not always the case!
By the way, why was that naked scene necessary to the
story line of this film?
Blonde: For the enjoyment of the men in the theater. It,
also, was a pleasure for the woman in the audience,
because they were actually real boobs for a change, in
Maven: How many people do you think will go to see this
movie now that we mentioned this scene that was totally
unnecessary to begin with?
Well you’re the one who blabbed! I have to say
bravo to the girl for her bravery. Boobs or no boobs,
she didn’t complain once until three hours in the ocean.
I would have started complaining on the boat when they
handed me such a plain scuba diving outfit! Can’t they
make those more stylish? Then seven hours in the water,
I realized she was just stupid. I mean, she was saying
things to her mate after seven hours of hell like, “Oh
sweetie, honey, babykins, darling.” I can assure you,
that my adjectives all would have been only four
Maven: I would applaud more if the guy was naked… Moving
right along, the sharks in this film were real and most
of our initial anxiety is waiting for that inevitable
attack. For most of the film, we see open sky, endless
ocean, and the sound of the lapping waves. It was
actually the most frightening to realize that when the
protections of civilization fall away, we are simply
Blonde: Well, I personally would have been too scared to
even make this movie in the middle of the ocean. I
thought the actress was brave to even take this part.
Let me tell you, if I am going to be eaten, it won’t be
by a shark! I don't know maybe by a lion or a tiger, or
even a bear, but not by a
Maven: Hey, as Bobby Darin would sing, “When the shark
Blonde: The moral to this story is, if you are
going scuba-diving (even though the Blonde tells you not
to), you’ll want to make sure that you obnoxiously meet
and greet your ship’s captain so he’ll remember you. A
bottle of booze works fine here, too.
Maven: I actually enjoyed this film and do
recommend it for our readers. I rate it a
The Blonde: Maven, a B+? Are you
kidding me? I recommend it only for older teens, young
adults and sadistic divers. I don’t think most of our
readers would enjoy this film. If you’re going on a
cruise anytime soon, you’ll want to miss this film! I
rate Open Water a C- - . If you must go see it, I
recommend passing on the popcorn and eating some Gold
Fish crackers and Swedish Fish candy instead! Hey Maven,
let’s go out for some sushi!
Maven: Absolutely, but only if I can get shark fin
—But Zero Does Not Mean
dark and violent suspense thriller directed by E. Elias
Methige, FBI agent Thomas Mackelway, played by Aaron
Eckhart (The Core, Erin Brockovich), violates the civil
rights of a serial-killer during an unorthodox arrest.
Starkey (the serial killer) goes free and Mackelway is
demoted to a remote branch of the agency in Albuquerque.
He is plagued by his own secrets and demons which are
now being manifested in the form of unexplainable and
On the first day of his new job,
Mackelway investigates the murder of a traveling
salesman, Harold Speck. This winds up to be the first of
three seemingly random killings. He is consumed with
this assignment. He obsessively tries to find the link
between the victims that will hopefully lead him to
their killer. We find that this is more than just a case
to Thomas. It becomes a very personal investigation that
gets increasingly gruesome. The movie takes us through a
labyrinth of intended spooky-crime clues. His old
partner, Fran, played by Carrie-Anne Moss (The Matrix,
The Red Planet), is brought into the case, which makes
it even more personal. All the clues start pointing in
the direction of the enigmatic Benjamin O’Ryan, played
by the breathtaking genius Ben Kingsley (House of Sand
and Fog, Sexy Beast). It is obvious that O’Ryan has some
sort of connection to the murders and Mackelway. But,
you won’t get what it is out of us…This story does have
a clever surprise twist storyline as well as
Blonde: Suspect Zero was like The Zodiac Killers meets
John Edwards meets Ted Bundy, meets Son of Sam, meets
Silence of the Lambs, meets a Serial-Revenge Terminator
… I must begin by saying I was apprehensive about seeing
this movie, as I heard so many bad reviews. I completely
disagree with all of them. I found this to be a very
creative and unique film. Now, I have one question: Why
do they always describe the bad guy in movies and in
real life as, “He was a quiet man, kept to himself
mostly, he’s not from around here, and a loner”? Why
can’t the bad guy be the fun, popular, kind, sharing,
full of life, friendly, talkative guy? Just a
Maven: Because guys like that aren’t
Blonde: Bull, I’ve dated lots of ‘em!
Maven: Okay, I stand corrected. I meant to say,
psychotic, serial killers. Is that better? I always
enjoy physiological thrillers and Suspect Zero didn’t
fail to entertain me. It did make me uncomfortable at
times, as serial killing is not on the top of my list
ofthings I like to think about. More than just being a
good thriller, this film gave Ben Kingsley a chance to
show us his single-minded devotion to his craft. When he
is on the screen, he’s absolutely
Blonde: Probably off the screen as well. This film
takes Kingsley a long way from Ghandi and Schindler’s
List…Which proves just how versatile he is. No matter
what role he plays, he’s a joy to watch. Now, about the
actress Carrie-Anne Moss… I don’t think it would have
hurt her or the movie to put on a little blush and
lip-gloss. Way too plain for a pretty girl to look on
screen. For goodness sakes, even real life cops wear
Maven: Not only that, but the character is hardly
explored at all.
Blonde: Absolutely! Her character was so vague and
un-defined that she wasn’t even necessary to the story.
She and Eckhart didn'’ have any on-screen chemistry. The
producers could have saved on the budget here by
eliminating her altogether. Nothing against the actress
just the character…
Maven: The writers Zak Penn and Billy Ray missed out on
making this an exceptional movie by not defining
Eckhart’s character. We were never told what makes him
such a loose cannon.
Blonde: I agree. There were some holes. I found it also
a bit slow at times and too slow in revealing the plot.
I guess the writer was trying to keep it a mystery as
long as he could. Too long for me, however. I just wound
up eating way too much popcorn for my own good. I know I
will be cursing him tomorrow on the treadmill.
Maven: I agree. There were slow moments, but I don’t
think that held up the continuity too much. I found it
interesting for a movie like this, that there wasn’t
much gore at all. Perhaps that would have notched up the
The Blonde: In addition, I think
that a love scene would have spiced it up as well.
Maven, didn’t that couple sitting next to us drive you
crazy? Her, with the screaming out at scenes that
weren’t even scary and him, talking the whole time
trying to figure out the ending?!
Maven: Weren’t they your parents?
Blonde: Yes! But weren’t they driving you
Maven: Not as much as listening to them order
dinner in a restaurant.
Blonde: You should see them both fighting when he makes
a mess in the kitchen or when he is getting them lost
driving in the car at night. Of course, he won’t admit
it and ask for directions…or when she...
Maven: Okay, Okay, I don’t think I want to.... I
rate this movie a B+. It shouldn’t creep you out too
Blonde: I surprisingly enjoyed Suspect Zero. It was a
fun Friday night out, movie.
Maven: We went on Saturday night!
Blonde: What’s the difference? Friday, Saturday, they
both end in day! It was a great night out… I rate it a
B- … Pass on the candy at this film because you might
eat too much of it. Just overeat on the popcorn like I
did! See you on the treadmill…
Maven and the Blonde: P.S.: Just a little tip. Muvico
now sells sugar-free Nestles Crunch candy for you
diabetics or sugar watchers. Yeah!
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