Hitch—A Great Film with a Great Hitch to
The Maven and The Blonde
Finally, Hollwood got the timing right—a romantic
comedy released just in time for Valentine's Day.
In Hitch, Will Smith (I, Robot and Bad Boys 1 and
2) plays Alex Hitchens, a phenomenally successful
dating counselor who helps inept single men connect with
the would-be loves of their lives. This business
supports Alex’s penthouse lifestyle. For all the reasons
explained in the movie, Alex practices his craft
anonymously and discreetly, by referrals only. His
biggest personal dating challenge comes in the form of
Albert, portrayed by Kevin James (50 First Dates and
“King of Queens”), who is a frumpy, overweight, clumsy,
asthmatic, insecure, goofball accountant. Hitch must
turn Albert into a dating specimen capable of winning
over his beloved Allegra, the gorgeous and wealthy
celebrity played by model Amber Valetta (Raising Helen
and What Lies Beneath). To complicate matters, which is
what gives the movie it's umph, Hitch meets his own
love match, Sara, played by Eva Mendes (2 Fast 2 Furious
and Stuck on You). Sara is a seen it all, done it all,
hard to get, sassy, gossip columnist in her own right.
Although they have a few disastrous dates (which is what
actually charms Sara and wins her heart), they seem to
enjoy each other’s company. The trouble all begins when
Sara finds out, through her work, that Albert won
Allegra with the help of the elusive “Date Doctor.”
Feeling quite betrayed and deceived, she decides to
uncover and expose the “Urban Legend’s” identity. And
they’re off, moviegoers...
Blonde: I loved this film! I haven't laughed out loud
this much since Meet the Fauckers! Finally, a FUN night
at the movies kind of film. Hitch was like What a
Woman Wants meets “Sex in the City” meets Something
About Mary meets Along Came Polly meets Roxanne. This
was a TRUE ROMANTIC COMEDY that was intelligent, witty,
charming, clever, original, sweet, sophisticated,
up-to-date, and quite real in an unrealistic scenario.
Before I go on with this film, it would be distasteful
if I didn't first talk about a major
crisis happening in the world today. Everyone is
going on and on about Iraq, Iran, North Korea and even
the insecurity of Social Security. Why is the whole
world ignoring and burying their heads in the sand
to the REAL crisis that is just about to happen in
Blonde: Yes, my dear Maven… England! Why is everyone
looking the other way? Don't people understand that
Prince Charles is about to marry Camilla Parker-Bowels!
Oh the drama, oh the travesty, oh the humanity! This bit
of info completely ruined my Valentine’s Day
Maven: What, it interrupted you going through a
four-pound box of chocolates taking only one bite out of
Blonde: Very funny! That was only part of my PLANNED
celebrations. The rest involved Brad Pitt, but now I
won't tell you!
Maven: Oh, like I care! I get the Playboy channel, so I
don't need to hear about your STUPID infatuations and
imaginings. Don't worry, Charles DESERVES Camilla! By
the way, did you see “Saturday Night Live”? They
had a great skit on the engaged couple. Camilla's part
was played by a GUY who looked better as a woman than
she EVER could. Blonde, I think you spelled Camilla's
name wrong, it's Parker-Bowles!
Blonde: NO! Darn I missed it. I was too busy
talking on the phone to some of the Grammy Award
contenders. By the way, if we are invited to the
wedding, I AM NOT GOING! I didn't spell it
wrong, I spelled it exactly the way I wanted
Maven: Good one! WELL I AM GOING! Hey she will NEVER be
Queen or him King, so look on the bright side. I bet the
wedding gifts to the guests will be jewelry!
Blonde: You think that it might be a tiara?
Maven: The queen hasn't consulted with me yet! How would
I know, but you already have EVERY tiara ever made. Just
thinking about Camilla in a tiara would be a joke in and
Blonde: HEY, I don't have a tiara yet from the royal
Maven: Is it possible to get back to the movie review
Blonde: Fine, ga-head.
Maven: I also enjoyed this movie. It pierces the heart
and tickled my funny bone. However, I didn't buy the
romance between Hitch and Sara. Will Smith and Eva
Mendes had no chemistry between them. While Will's
performance was great, Eva's left a lot to be desired.
There was just NO sizzle.
Blonde: For Pete's sake, this was a movie, not fajitas
Maven: I did buy the romance between Kevin James and
Amber Valletta. Now that was a sweet match. In fact,
whenever Kevin was on screen, I was riveted. I am a fan
of his television show “King of Queens” and his HBO
Blonde: Is “King and Queens” a take-off of “Queer Eye
for the Straight Guy”?
Maven: Well, Blonde, if you think that a package
delivery guy living in Queens is the same as five gay
guys helping out straight guys, then YES....in your
world it is. I have to correct your statement again
because the show is called “King of Queens”!
Blonde: Cool! I'll have to look for it on television! I
really loved Kevin's character Albert, as well. He
was like every average guy all tied up into one neurotic
bow! By the way, ya know the line where
Hitch says, “Eight out of ten woman believe the
first kiss tells them everything about a
relationship”? Well, I don't agree with that. I
just think it tells a woman if the guy is a good
Maven: Is that experience talking or just
Blonde: No, unfortunately just experience! Hey
Maven, did you know the actress Eva suffers from
Maven: What the heck is R.D.M.S.?
Blonde: Well, it's officially known as Robert DiNiro
Maven: I had to ask!
Blonde: Maven, I have to ask you, if so many men don't
have a clue what women need, desire and want, we need to
ask ourselves, is it the fault of the mothers OR fathers
who brought up this crop of males?
Maven: I don't know, but what I do know is that THE
MOTHER ALWAYS gets the BLAME!
Blonde: By the way, did you notice when
Sara had to meet Hitch at 7am she was carrying a
Starbucks coffee? That's where her character first won
Maven: I thought you quit your Starbucks
Blonde: I'm back! Camilla threw me off the wagon…Anyway,
my favorite part of this film was the Ellis Island
scene. I found it sweet, thoughtful, tender, and totally
Maven: I love the Ellis Island scene too, but you should
NEVER have gone back to the JAVA!
Blonde: @#%%&%$^&*^%$$$$, now why-why would you
say-sa -say that? I felt the film had a well-paced
flow that was saturated with funny lines. This movie HAD
what so many comedy movies lack today: A GOOD STORYLINE!
I was sorry to see it end. I had a good time watching
Maven: I have to give kudos to first-time screenwriter
Blonde: Now why would you be giving Mr. Bisch breakfast
Maven: Now that's a perfect example of why you need to
cold-turkey the Java! As I WAS saying, I also want to
give a thumbs-up to director Andy Tennant,
whose previous films included Fool's Rush In and
Sweet Home Alabama. He seems to have a knack with light
The Blonde: I agree, but I would give them
words of praise and NOT breakfast bars.
Maven: YOU ARE WRONG JAVA FITCH! They get enough praise!
I just bet with their heavy schedules they would love a
case of breakfast bars. I wasn't even talking about
breakfast bars. Anyway, Hitch is not just a chick flick.
This is a good date movie. Will Smith had better
chemistry with Kevin James than his female lead. For
that reason, I rate this film a B for a good buddy
Blonde: JAVA FITCH? JAVA FITCH!
Chemistry-Smemistry! You are just jealous of the
girl’s body! Now how does that feel?
Maven: That's it! YOU''LL NEVER GET THE ROYAL TIARA FROM
THE QUEEN NOW...
Blonde: I’M SORRY, I AM SOOOOO SORRY! I WILL QUIT
COFFEE FOREVER! YOU WIN! I found Hitch to be
fresh, funny, surprisingly good, and felt myself smiling
throughout the fleeting-by 2 hours and 15 minutes. I not
only think that it is a good date movie, but a movie
that all men and women should see! I rate it an A- for
A-dorable. For your snacks, have some sour-patch candy,
for they are spicy like the film. Enjoy!
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