of the Month” was meant to be a comedy about employees at a
membership store competing for the honor of being ‘Employee of the
Month.’ On one side we have the “slackers” who could care less about
impressing the boss or anyone else. On the other side are the
“brown-nosers” who go out of their way to appear as helpful and
caring as they can be. The lead brown-noser is Vince Downey, played
by Dax Shepard (“Without a Paddle” and “Zathura”), winner of
‘Employee of the Month’ seventeen times in a row. Representing the
slackers is Zack Bradley, portrayed by Dane Cook (“Stuck on You” and
“Waiting”). He has been employed at Super Club for the same ten
years that Vince has, but Zack is still only a boxer, never having
been promoted up to cashier. A new cashier starts at the store and
Vince and Zack are very interested in her. Her name is Amy Renfro
and she is reputed to be interested in anyone holding the title of
‘Employee of the Month.’ Playing Amy is Jessica Simpson (“Dukes of
Hazzard”). Zack realizes that in order to win Amy's affection, he
must win ‘Employee of the Month.’ While competing with Vince, we
learn more about Zack. He wasn't always a slacker and he has more
heart than you think.
BLONDE: Does the production company of a film EVER stop and say,
this is terrible… we NEED a re-write? Is throwing away money that
much fun? This film was like…. no, I am not gonna do it because I
won’t even insult a bad film for this is, hands-down, too bad to
compare it to anything else! MAN-OH MAN! I NEED STARBUCKS TO GET
THROUGH THIS! The Maven owes me big time, as this one was her pick!
Maven: My hopes for Jessica were dashed in this movie. I can't stand
her singing and I was hoping she could act so that I wouldn't
be subjected to her voice anymore. She looks really good, but I
think she is probably the worst actress of all time. Men, if you
want to spend $8 to look at Jessica and her boobs, go ahead. I
wonder how much she was paid for this job. What a waste of money.
Blonde: Okay, yes, her boobs are great. BUT, did we have to see them
falling out of her shirt in EVERY SINGLE SCENE! However, she could
use a nose job…..MEOW! Sorry, I get that way after wasting two hours
of my life!
Maven: I only wanted to see this movie because I am a fan of Dane
Cook. He is always good. However, even he couldn't save this poorly
written, formulaic, unevenly directed movie. He did a good job with
what he had to work with, but there just wasn't enough to hold my
interest. Andy Dick surprised me, though. For once he was not so
over the top. I found him mildly funny. It was his acting, not the
writing, that was funny.
Blonde: I love Dane as well, especially after watching his last
comedy special. I don’t blame him. He did the best he could with a
terrible script. After all, it was a leading role for him! Andy
stole this film as far as I was concerned. That is not saying much,
though! Mav, I simply cannot justify this film by continuing. Can we
talk about something better, like poor Anna-Nicole Smith? Well, I am
going to! My heart just cries out to her. She has had so much drama.
She is going through so much between a birth and the hormones that
go with it, the death of her son that she adored, and the fathers of
her baby fighting before the media. She really needs to just run off
to a far away Island
and hide out!
Maven: Bahama Mamma!!
Blonde: Okay, why are you singing a Jimmy Buffet
Maven: First of all, it’s not a Buffet song! It is a Beach Boy song!
How is it that you can watch a news report and only pick up on half
of the story? SHE IS IN THE
THAT IS WHERE SHE GAVE BIRTH!Readers, just let it slide!
Blonde: WELL! Excusssssse ME! I am a very busy woman and don’t have
ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD TO LOLLY AROUND AND WATCH THE NEWS ALL DAY
Blonde: Thank to CNN, I only have to watch the news for 20 minutes!
Blonde: Well, I don’t like country music so I don’t have the country
news network, so sue me!
Maven: We went to high school together and I swear I really don’t
recall you doing drugs. I really don’t.
Blonde: WHAT!Wait a
minute, YOU were the ONE always smokin’!
Maven: READERS, JUST LET THAT ONE SLIDE AS WELL. Are you surprised
that Vince and Jennifer are over? I guess looks aren't everything in
life. When she hooked Brad, I was jealous. When Angie stole him, I
applauded, as I felt she was a better match for him. Even though
Vince was a rebound, I still thought they would last longer. I read
that when Brad first left Jen, she was so depressed that she didn't
shower for days and wouldn't leave her house. That could be a
turnoff for some guys. Not showering, even if you are Jennifer
Aniston, is a bad idea. Matthew McConaughey doesn't wear deodorant;
maybe he should call Jen?
Blonde: THEY BROKE UP? MAN I REALLY NEED TO GET THAT COUNTRY
NEWS NETWORK CHANNEL! I don't care! I never saw them together
anyway. I am glad they broke up. They just don’t look right
together. Jen needs to go to Victoria’s
Secret, get some personal products, take a good bath, regroup and
rebound to the next quest! I can, HOWEVER, see her with Matthew!
Maven: Let's wrap things up. I do not recommend this film for anyone
over seventeen, or with an IQ higher than 85…oh, and loser guys who
need to get a glimpse of Jessica's boobs. If it comes to cable TV
and nothing else is on at ,
go ahead and watch it. I rate the movie a D for disappointment, but
Jes gets an A for her hair extensions and her
Blonde: DON’T SEE THIS FILM! I REPEAT, MISS THIS FILM! You can get
your cleavage fix in other ways. I rate this film an F-. If you must
go, for your film snacks go ahead and have one of Jessica’s
favorites… chicken. CHICKEN OF THE SEA!