De-Lovely: Cole Porter’s De-Lightful,
De-Licious and very De-SAD Life Story
 
by The Blonde and the Maven
Film Columnists

De-Lovely takes you on the musical life journey of the extraordinary talented artist, Cole Porter. Unlike any other story about his life, this one appears to be factual and complete. De-Lovely begins in Paris where Porter, played by Kevin Kline (Life is a House, French Kiss), meets his soon-to-be wife Linda Lee, played by Ashley Judd (Where the Heart Is, Double Jeopardy). They immediately fall for one another, and this attraction leads to a lifetime partnership. Their true story is a unique and rare commitment of love. Linda acknowledges his sexuality by uttering the words, “I know you like men more than I do.” He expresses his sexual orientation by stating, “I wanted every kind of love that was available, but I could never find them in the same person or the same sex.” Linda’s endless devotion, support and constant protection of Cole made her unbelievably selfless, and her amazing unconditional love surprised even Porter. This musical man wrote beautiful love songs made famous through motion pictures and musicals. He continued to write music even after a devastating horse-riding accident crushed his legs, leaving him in pain for 27 years.

We won’t tell you about all the sad parts. Go cry for yourselves…The musical songs are enhanced by performances by today’s current pop artists: Alanis Morrissette, Elvis Costello, and Natalie Cole, to name a few.

The Blonde: This tearjerker film was like Night and Day meets An American in Paris, and if Audrey Hepburn and Elton John met, and Love Story… If you spent any time at all this week feeling sorry or sad about your life, De-Lovely won’t cheer you up at all! I tearfully enjoyed it, though. I learned so many interesting things about Mr. Porter that I never knew. I felt the style in which his story was told, using flashbacks in a theater and a circle of time, was so effectively creative.

The Maven: I was tantalized by the ambiguity…

The Blonde: What the heck are you saying? What is a big uity??? And who has one?

The Maven: Let me finish!!!  Ambiguity, of Cole Porters’ lyrics. Seeing this movie showed all of the man’s flaws as well as his genius. I also came to understand that many of his songs were not necessarily written about the love of a woman.

The Blonde:  I agree. It was wonderful that they took the viewer into the mind of Porter by showing us the motivation for each of his songs; how he used his lyrics as codes for his various lovers. Cole’s lyrics were an expression of his life as well as his soul.

The Maven: De-Lovely contained more music than most musical films, but it flowed naturally. Obviously, Irwin Winkler was a true Cole Porter fan to include so much of his music and to choose to direct his life story.

The Blonde: I feel that Kevin Kline is such an underrated actor. His acting is skillfully believable and polished, artistic and inventive, insightful, fine-tuned, expressive yet not overstated…

The Maven: So to quote Sally Field, “You like him. You really, really like him!”  To put my feelings a touch less descriptive, he seemed to be born for this role.

The Blonde: You are so pastrami on white bread with mayo…Didn’t you think that Ashley Judd has an adorable nose? I wonder if it’s hers?

The Maven: If it isn’t, than why didn’t she get implants too?

The Blonde: You’re asking me??? By the way, isn’t Nelson Judd her brother?

The Maven: No, that would be Judd Nelson, but her sister is the famous country singer, Wynona Judd. Speaking of Ashley, her performance said so much by saying so little. Was it the wonderful writing of Jay Cocks or her brilliant acting?

The Blonde: Probably both… Maven, didn’t it make you feel a touch better when they aged Ashley? When they put a lot of wrinkles under her eyes, sagged her throat, grayed her hair and she lost her youthful beauty?

The Maven:  No! Not at all! I think aging is beautiful…

The Blonde: Yea, that’s because you are old! But cute! I thought that using today’s pop stars showed the world that Cole Porter’s music is timeless.

The Maven: I disagree! I just can’t imagine rap artists like Eminem or Snoop Dog singing “It’s De-Lovely!”

The Blonde: I can! Won’t you just die when it is on their next CD?…

The Maven: No, but I will buy them. In closing, if you want to revisit some amazing music or even if you are hearing it for the first time, this is the movie to see. Kline and Judd’s acting is genuine and smooth. There will be some tears, but they’re well worth it. I rate this film a B+…

The Blonde: Some tears? Ladies, wear your waterproof mascara. I enjoyed this film as well, and also give it a B+. Bring some throat lozenges and tissues. The crying gave me a sore throat. Go shopping after. That will cheer you up…

A Cinderella Story: Once Upon a Time,
Not Even a Fairy Godmother
can Rescue a Bad Remake

This poor attempt at a modern day Cinderella story, taking an old classic to fit the times, falls way short. Let’s just say, “The slipper doesn’t fit…”
It all begins when a little girl named Sam Montgomery, played by Hilary Duff (The Lizzy McGuire Movie), is being raised by her adoring father in a perfect, fairytale, happy existence. Then, dun-da-dun-dunnn…The father marries this wicked woman named Fiona, played by the fabulously funny Jennifer Coolidge (Best in Show, Legally Blonde). Soon after the wedding, on a cold San Diego evening, a horrible earthquake shakes the city and Sam’s father dies. Her whole world and existence is shattered. Sam now finds herself having to endure not only the horrible, plastic surgery-obsessed, stepmother Fiona, but the abuse of her two bratty, spoiled, nasty stepsisters.
Without giving away too many details of how they modernized this version, here are just a few: The Fairy Godmother, played by Regina King (Jerry Maguire, Daddy Day Care) is the manager of what used to be Sam’s father’s Diner until Fiona stole it. The carriage is a Mercedes. The glass slipper is a cell phone. The prince is the high school heartthrob and star football player. The happily-ever-after is getting accepted to Princeton, the college of her dreams.

The Blonde: A Cinderella Story was like Cinderella meets You’ve Got Mail meets Mean Girls… This trite movie is well worth not going to see!!! Even the silly Cinderfella movie, starring Jerry Lewis, was more original. I should have stayed home and made Martha Stewart, old-fashioned fudge brownies.

The Maven: This was a very weak attempt at another nice-girl treated badly by snotty high school chicks, movie. The only enjoyment I had was watching Jennifer Coolidge. I wanted more of her and her over-the-top performance. Although Chad Michael Murray, the so-called prince, is great to look at, he’s not big on emoting. Hilary Duff was… Hilary Duff. Always pretty, sweet, and just so precious. Gag me with a spoon!!! Have I used the word insipid reviewing a movie before?

The Blonde: No, but you just used the word big uity in the last review. And, can I borrow your spoon?!…

The Maven: That was ambiguity…

The Blonde: I like it my way better.

The Maven: Good, because this movie was insipid… And no, get your own spoon!

The Blonde: I thought this movie was so… was so… so…you’re right…insipid!! That’s why you’re the Maven… I was truly annoyed at having to stay and watch this movie that I just rooted for the evil stepmother and stepsisters. At least they had spunk. The only thing I have left to say is, unless you are 10 through 16 years old, don’t waste your money. Stay home and clean, sweep, dust, polish, wash, vacuum and scrub. At least you will be doing something useful with your time. Just be careful not to break a nail and moisturize your hands after. Oh, who am I kidding?… Just go see a different movie!

The Maven: If it’s ok with you, I want to go back upstairs to the Premier Restaurant in the Muvico Palace Theaters in Boca Raton. I would order anything that Chef Adam wants to cook for me.

The Blonde: He is great! I just love the fine food and service there. I also adore the general manager John, who does everything to make everyone happy and comfortable. The theaters upstairs are so elegant and luxurious you will find it to be a fabulous dining and movie-going experience.

The Maven: It is really sad that the only enjoyable experience we can come up with on reviewing this movie is eating at the restaurant. I rate this movie a D.

The Blonde:  I rate A Cinderella Story a D- and only because I like Jennifer as much as the Maven. If you feel you have to see this film, I recommend that you have nothing to eat because this movie alone can make you nauseous… I do however rate the restaurant and movie theater an A+.

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