March 11 - 17, 2005• Vol. 26 - No. 09

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Be Cool
—Obviously, Not Cool Enough

by the Maven and the Blonde
Film Columnists

Be Cool might leave you a little cold. From the beginning, you realize that everyone in the film knows sequels aren't as good as the originals. John Travolta (Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty), reprising his role as the ever-cool Chili Palmer, is driving with his old Brooklyn buddy Tommy Athens, played by James Wood (John Q and The Specialist), now a record producer—lucky him he got to die early on in the film to go act in a better one. Chili is disillusioned with the movie biz and having to make sequels. Tommy wants Chili to make a movie about his life in the music biz centering on a dazzling new singer Linda Moon, portrayed by Christina Milian (Torque and music videos). Chili, not very interested in the movie idea, is however intrigued by the idea of the music business. Unfortunately, Tommy is then shot dead on the street and Chili sees the whole incident. That evening, Chili checks out the singer Tommy was telling him about and discovers she is as good as his friend said she was. He quickly decides to manage her career, even though she is already signed to a contract with another old acquaintance of his, Nick Carr, played by Harvey Keitel (National Treasure and The Piano). Chili now needs an established record company, so he meets up with Tommy's widow Edie, played by the one and only Uma Thurman (Kill Bill 1 & 2 and Pulp Fiction). Now, the dynamic duo goes forward on a mission to launch Linda's career. Unfortunately, in their way are the Russian Mafia, gangsta rappers, a pimp-obsessed music manager, a gay actor wanna-be bodyguard and, of course, police detectives. Now, just add to that the fact that everyone except the police want to kill Chili. Steven Tyler and Aerosmith play a part in the drama, too.
This sequel was written by Peter Steinfeld, who also wrote Analyze That. Maybe he should have spent more time analyzing this script before filming it! Director F. Gary Gray also directed A Man Apart, The Negotiator and The Italian Job. Well, everyone has a bad film now and then!

 The Blonde: I think that a producer should read a script a couple of times before rushing into a sequel, just to make some cool cash! This film was way over the top and missed every mark. I will state what it was like, but make no mistake that the other movies were good ones! Be Cool was like Get Shorty meets Pulp Fiction meets Goodfellas meets Friday meets “The Three Stooges”! I truly feel that John Travolta SHOULD “do lunch” with Tom Hanks to learn how to pick a GOOD film. What a disappointment after last week's film! The best part of this movie was Uma Thurman's body!

The Maven: Okay, be honest! Tell us how you really think! While I don't think this is the best movie ever, I did have a good time watching it. Early on, I knew I was in on the joke; sequels are never as good as the original.

The Blonde: Tell that to the writers of Shrek—both times up for the Oscars! Exactly what part of this film did you have a good time watching? Did I go to the ladies’ room at this point?

The Maven: I enjoyed Vince Vaughn as an over-the-top PIMP wanna-be. He was funny and a little scary, with his sociopath-type tendencies. The Rock was so against type as a gay bodyguard.  

The Blonde: The only part of this movie I enjoyed was watching Aerosmith. I love them! I can't wait for them to come to town! I only wished they sang more. It would have eaten up more of the movie time and, for sure, kept my interest longer! SOOOO, MARTHA, MARTHA, MARTHA! YEA! SHE'S OUT OF THE CLINKER! That is much more exciting to talk about than this dumb movie!
The Maven: I understand she was planning to do some gardening, but Christopher Stanton, the chief U.S. probation officer in Manhattan, says she is under home confinement and therefore not allowed to work in her garden. Can you imagine the threat she may impose working in her garden?

The Blonde: Hey, she could be the next “serial stock-market gardener killer”! Is that true? I thought that the grounds were considered her home. Maybe she should learn a thing from the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman and put the ankle unit around one of her dogs! Well. at any rate, I am rooting for Martha and a brilliant comeback!

The Maven: I'm with you on that!

The Blonde: Hey Maven, why the heck did you pinch my nose and breathe in my mouth during the movie?

The Maven: I was giving you mouth to mouth, I thought you were dying!

The Blonde: I was snoring, for goodness sakes. Back off! Next time, just bring me some coffee!

The Maven: Oh well, than you answered your own question. You slept through all the fun-to-watch parts! TOO BAD! Blonde, did you hear about the latest so-called Happiest Hollywood couple getting separated—Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen?

The Blonde: SO?

The Maven: Well, she's pregnant with their second child, and he's already moved out!

The Blonde: Well, good for him!

The Maven:  The pre-nup pays off if he cheats on her, and rumor has it that he did!

The Blonde: WHAT A GUY!

The Maven: And poor Martha Stewart is locked up in her billion-dollar ranch. What a world!

The Blonde:  I would say “boo-hoo,” but I like her too much!

The Maven: Now back to the film, if you didn't see Get Shorty, don't worry. I missed it, too. This movie stands alone on its own.

The Blonde: NO, this movie falls down alone on its own! Ga- head!

The Maven: Ha ha… Just don't take it too seriously. I rate it a C for cool.

The Blonde: Don't take it at all! This film was cliché, uninteresting, badly done, and just plain boring. I suggest you save your money and miss it! I rate Be Cool a D for dumb! I recommend, if you do go, for your snacks eat some Milk Duds as this movie was a big DUD. This great candy might make up for this bad movie! Maven, Martha may not be able to leave the house for more than 48 hours a week, but she can receive all the company she wants. So let's go to her house and bring her a basket of cookies and Starbucks….

The Maven: Okay, but we better follow her cookie recipe exactly!!

The Blonde: Or what, she'll put us in Martha jail?

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